Kindness to the Crazy Family at Christmastime

I know how it can be. Christmas is here. Your crazy family is coming over. Oh, did I say “crazy?” In fact, I’ll bet “crazy” is an understatement for your family, am I wrong? They’re nutjobs. You love them, sure, but they will drive you up the wall at 100 mph before breakfast. You’ll be lucky to make it through the holiday with your sanity intact.

Here’s a “Paul-itically Correct” approach you might keep in mind.

Kindness.

Just focus on kindness.

I love 2 Cor. 6:1-10. Paul basically tells us, “Look, when I go through hard times, I’m focused on Pureness, Knowledge, Longsuffering, and Kindness.” Nobody says that. But Paul kept himself focused on those specific qualities when he was suffering. Why? This keeps you on solid ground so you’d give no offence in any thing, and you’d be able to approve yourself unto others as a minister of God. As a result, you might soften a few hearts now willing to accept Christ as their Savior.

One of those qualities Paul focused on was kindness.

Webster tells us that kindness is “1. Good will; benevolence; that temper or disposition which delights in contributing to the happiness of others, which is exercised cheerfully in gratifying their wishes, supplying their wants or alleviating their distresses; benignity of nature. 2. Act of good will; beneficence; any act of benevolence which promotes the happiness or welfare of others.”

Kindness isn’t simply doing an act of good will to someone else. Kindness is also having that disposition in your heart to be kind to others, to do acts of goodwill, and when you’re suffering, especially when it’s persecution, when people are being truly vile toward you for whatever reason, there is that great temptation to retaliate, to act in the flesh, to lash out at them, but Paul says he stays focused on kindness toward those who are so unkind to him.

You may recall how Paul said in Rom 12:17 Recompense to no man evil for evil. Provide things honest in the sight of all men. Rom 12:18 If it be possible, as much as lieth in you, live peaceably with all men. Rom 12:19 Dearly beloved, avenge not yourselves, but rather give place unto wrath: for it is written, Vengeance is mine; I will repay, saith the Lord.

Notice that kindness isn’t simply what you do but also what you don’t do – not seeking retribution.

In Romans 14, kindness to weaker brothers is in our restraint in exercising the liberties we have in Christ because that might be a stumblingblock to them.

Also, showing kindness to someone who hates you is a glorious act of grace. Paul writes in Rom 12:20 Therefore if thine enemy hunger, feed him; if he thirst, give him drink: for in so doing thou shalt heap coals of fire on his head. Rom 12:21 Be not overcome of evil, but overcome evil with good.

There’s a story I once read by Watchman Nee, the Chinese evangelist. He told the story of a Christian he once knew in China. He was a poor rice farmer. His fields were high on a mountain. Every day, he pumped water into the paddies of new rice. Every morning, he returned to find that an unbelieving neighbor who lived down the hill had opened the dikes surrounding the Christian’s field to let the water fill his own. For a while the Christian ignored the injustice, but at last he became desperate. What should he do? His own rice would die if this continued. How long could it go on? The Christians met, prayed, and came up with a solution. The next day the Christian farmer rose early in the morning and first filled his neighbor’s fields. Then he attended to his own. The neighbor subsequently became a Christian, his unbelief overcome by a genuine demonstration of a Christian’s love for others.

We bless those who persecute us. We bless, and curse not. We recompense to no man evil for evil. We live honestly in the sight of all men. If it’s possible, as much as lies within us, we live peaceably with all men. We do not avenge ourselves, but rather we give place unto wrath. And if our enemy hungers, we feed him. If he thirsts, we give him drink, because by showing grace to our persecutors, we heap coals of fire on their heads. You might call that “chastening with grace.” They become convicted about their mistreatment of you. But the meaning here is that the persecuted believer ought to exhibit the life of Christ toward all his tormenters. He ought to conduct himself such that Christ would never be dishonored. Because to act in the flesh is to play into the hands of your persecutors, and give them a chance to say, “See? I was right to persecute those Christians! They’re all hypocrites!” We are to exhibit the power, the peace, the love, and the grace that now rules our hearts.

Two Examples of Kindness in the Bible

Ever heard of “Rehoboam’s Folly?” Rehoboam was Solomon’s son. Rehoboam was the successor to the throne. Rehoboam was 41 when he took over. Rehoboam reigned for 17 years.

Rehoboam just took over the throne. There are two tellings of this tale. We have a version of it in 2 Chron. 10 and in 1 Kings 12.

What’s at issue here is that now that Rehoboam has taken over the throne from his father Solomon, the people want relief from the heavy burden of taxation his father put upon the people. So Rehoboam took counsel with these old wise men, who were the very counsellors of Solomon himself. He meets the old wise men.

Look at what the old men tell him in 2 Chron. 10:7. These wise elders told him that “If thou be kind to this people, and please them, and speak good words to them, they will be thy servants for ever” (v. 7). In 2 Chron. 10, they told him to be kind to this people.

But look at I Kings 12:6, And king Rehoboam consulted with the old men, that stood before Solomon his father while he yet lived, and said, How do ye advise that I may answer this people? 1Ki 12:7 And they spake unto him, saying, If thou wilt be a servant unto this people this day, and wilt serve them, and answer them, and speak good words to them, then they will be thy servants for ever.

In 2 Chron. 10, they said to be kind to the people, but in 1 Kings 12, they said to be a servant to the people. Some would point to this apparent discrepancy in what was said. Did the old men say be kind or be a servant? YES. Both accounts are true.

Notice that these wise old men, Solomons’ counselors, equated kindness with having a servant’s attitude. To be kind to a man is to also have the mentality of being a servant to him.

So what happened?

Look at 1Ki 12:8 But he forsook the counsel of the old men, which they had given him, and consulted with the young men that were grown up with him, and which stood before him: 1Ki 12:9 And he said unto them, What counsel give ye that we may answer this people, who have spoken to me, saying, Make the yoke which thy father did put upon us lighter? 1Ki 12:10 And the young men that were grown up with him spake unto him, saying, Thus shalt thou speak unto this people that spake unto thee, saying, Thy father made our yoke heavy, but make thou it lighter unto us; thus shalt thou say unto them, My little finger shall be thicker than my father’s loins. 1Ki 12:11 And now whereas my father did lade you with a heavy yoke, I will add to your yoke: my father hath chastised you with whips, but I will chastise you with scorpions. 1Ki 12:12 So Jeroboam and all the people came to Rehoboam the third day, as the king had appointed, saying, Come to me again the third day. 1Ki 12:13 And the king answered the people roughly, and forsook the old men’s counsel that they gave him; 1Ki 12:14 And spake to them after the counsel of the young men, saying, My father made your yoke heavy, and I will add to your yoke: my father also chastised you with whips, but I will chastise you with scorpions.

What happened after that? Well, we got the split between the 10 tribes of Israel and the two tribes of Judah. The 10 tribes of Israel just up and left Rehoboam. They basically succeeded from the union, because of the oppression and the taxation.

Later in the chapter, Rehoboam would try to make some concessions, but it would be too late. They said, “What portion have we in David?”

And they were gone.

Now Rehoboam was in Jerusalem. He still had his own tribe of Judah. The only other tribe that stuck with him was Benjamin. He lost 10 tribes because of his unkindness to the people. He was determined to be more unkind to them than his father ever dreamed of being (vv. 14,15).

What do we learn here? The unkindness escalated the conflict. The unkindness triggered rebellion and division, and the result was that millions of people were divided for a thousand years—all for the lack of kindness! Unkindness will have an affect on people – how they view you and the God you’re supposed to represent.

On the flipside, let’s talk about David.

If you remember, after David became the king of Israel, he wanted to show kindness to all the members of the house of Saul, anyone he could find that he could find. 2Sa 9:1 And David said, Is there yet any that is left of the house of Saul, that I may shew him kindness for Jonathan’s sake?

Remember Jonathan? He was eldest son of King Saul. They loved each other so much that we learn in 1Sa 18:1 …that the soul of Jonathan was knit with the soul of David, and Jonathan loved him as his own soul. When we had all that drama between King Saul and David, Jonathan cast his lot with David against his own father.

And in a battle with the Philistines on the field of Gilboa, Jonathan died along with his father and his two brothers. And when he died, we get David’s famous “Song of the Bow” elegy in 2 Sam. 1.

In any event, here in 2 Sam. 9, David wants to show kindness to anyone left in the house of Saul. Look at who shows up. 2Sa 9:2 And there was of the house of Saul a servant whose name was Ziba. And when they had called him unto David, the king said unto him, Art thou Ziba? And he said, Thy servant is he. 2Sa 9:3 And the king said, Is there not yet any of the house of Saul, that I may shew the kindness of God unto him? And Ziba said unto the king, Jonathan hath yet a son, which is lame on his feet.

Did you notice in vs. 3 that David said, “that I may shew the kindness of God unto him” It was “the kindness of God” that David was using as a pattern for all his actions.

2Sa 9:6 Now when Mephibosheth, the son of Jonathan, the son of Saul, was come unto David, he fell on his face, and did reverence. And David said, Mephibosheth. And he answered, Behold thy servant! 2Sa 9:7 And David said unto him, Fear not: for I will surely shew thee kindness for Jonathan thy father’s sake, and will restore thee all the land of Saul thy father; and thou shalt eat bread at my table continually. 2Sa 9:8 And he bowed himself, and said, What is thy servant, that thou shouldest look upon such a dead dog as I am?

David would do everything he said he’d do. He went on to give Mephibosheth “all that pertained to Saul and to all his house” (v. 9), and remember, Saul had been king of Israel. In other words, Mephibosheth was given a king’s inheritance and was invited to sit at the king’s table and reign with him “as one of the king’s sons” (v. 11). Quite an honor for the grandson of a man who had once been King David’s arch enemy. Some men might take such a tremendous honor for granted, but not Mephibosheth!

Later, in 2 Sam. 19, long story short, there was some drama, some wrong was done to Mephibosheth by his servant but he refused to complain. David asked him about this: “…all of my father’s house were but dead men before my lord the king: yet didst thou set thy servant among them that did eat at thine own table. What right therefore have I yet to cry any more unto the king?” (II Sam. 19:28).Notice the effect of kindness here. The kindness of David de-escalated the tension between his house and Saul’s. The kindness brought unity and love, and the result was that rather than having to deal with rebellions, David earned their loyalty and they showed kindness in return. Kindness will also have an affect on people – how they view you and the God you’re supposed to represent.

Kindness is a Timeless Principle in the Bible

One of my favorite verses about kindness in the Psalms was in Psa. 63:3 Because thy lovingkindness is better than life, my lips shall praise thee. The lovingkindness of God to us is better than life itself! God’s grace to us is of more value than life itself! His love, His grace, His truth is to be desired more than life itself! His lovingkindness is greater than life itself! If today, you die young but before you died, you received God’s free gift of eternal life, your shortened life is no loss because you gained something greater than life itself!

Of course, lovingkindness is one of the very core attributes of God Himself. What is the loss of a shortened life in light of Eph. 2:7 That in the ages to come he might shew the exceeding riches of his grace in his kindness toward us through Christ Jesus. For all eternity, God is going to make known to the entire universe His glory, the exceeding riches of His grace, through and in His masterwork, the church today. The glory emanating from us seated in the heavens will put on display to everyone, both physical and spiritual, the glory of the grace of God the Father because of the kindness He showed us in this age of grace through the gift of eternal life by sacrifice of His only begotten Son.

Kindness is love itself. 1Co. 13:4 Charity suffereth long, and is kind… Webster would also say in his definition of kindness that “kindness ever accompanies love.” The very nature of love itself, agape love, is to suffer long and to be kind to everyone. Remember also the example of kindness in Onesiphorus to Paul, who ministered to him in many ways in Ephesus, who oft refreshed Paul, and was not ashamed of his chains, who sought him out very diligently in Rome and found him. Remember the kindness of Julius the Centurion to Paul in Acts 27, who when they arrived at Sidon, “courteously entreated Paul, and gave him liberty to go unto his friends to refresh himself.” Remember the kindness of Joseph to Mary, who, being a just man, upon learning of her pregnancy, he was “not willing to make her a publick example, was minded to put her away privily.” Remember the kindness of Mordecai to Esther, who took her in when her parents died. Remember the kindness of Jehoshabeath to Joash in 2 Chronicles 22, who took King Ahab’s son and hid him for 6 years so he wouldn’t be slain by his evil grandmother Athalia, who tried to destroy all the royal seed. You might remember the kindness of Elisha to that woman whose son he brought back to life in 2 Kings 8. Or the kindness of Rahab to the spies or of Pharaoh’s daughter to Moses. But above all, we have the kindness of God Himself throughout all ages, but especially today, in His kindness to us through the sacrifice of His Son.

Because kindness is one of the many attributes of God, whose life is manifest in us, we are to Col. 3:12 Put on therefore, as the elect of God, holy and beloved, bowels of mercies, kindness, humbleness of mind, meekness, longsuffering… Because Christ is alive in us, we are to be of one mind in having the common goal of showing kindness to those who are outside of Christ and showing kindness to one another. Rom. 12:10 Be kindly affectioned one to another with brotherly love; in honour preferring one another… Eph. 4:32 And be ye kind one to another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, even as God for Christ’s sake hath forgiven you. We deal kindly with others forgiving them in love because God forgave us in love. And this includes our enemies. The Lord said in Luk. 6:35 But love ye your enemies, and do good, and lend, hoping for nothing again; and your reward shall be great, and ye shall be the children of the Highest: for he is kind unto the unthankful and to the evil. It is in the very nature of God to be loving and kind to His enemies. Just as God showed love and kindness to us when we were enemies to Him, we are to show love and kindness to people when they are enemies to us.

Kindness in our Words

Consider the great chapter about the virtuous woman. We find in Pro. 31:26, “She openeth her mouth with wisdom; and in her tongue is the law of kindness.”

Notice first that not everything a woman says is wise. It’s the virtuous woman who speaks wisdom, which is the wisdom of God, which she learned from the Word of God.

And in her tongue is the law of kindness.

What does that mean? The law of kindness? I suspect this means that the words which come from the lips of the virtuous wife are as a law, as instruction, teaching everyone who hears her about the very nature of kindness itself. Not just teaching kindness but also exhibiting kindness with the words she chooses when she speaks, the approach she takes about any given subject, and the tone she exhibits when she speaks, all of which is instructive to everyone about the nature of what it is to be kind.

And if, in her tongue is the law of kindness, then she is also a woman of deep love, true agape love, true charity because “kindness ever accompanies love,” because kindness springs from the true love itself, and we know that love is the fulfilling of all law. Love is the source from which comes all her words of kindness. When the words we use spring from a place of deep abiding love, then the natural result would be words of kindness, words that are instructive to all about the very nature of kindness itself. And this practice is called a law in her tongue, because it is constant, because her love is constant, which is guided by the wisdom of God in His Word.

And this gives her a commanding power in all she says.

Her kind words command respect, they demand kindness in return. And all of this is a distinguishing aspect of excellence in the virtuous woman. She doesn’t lord over her husband. She’s not a tyrant over children, controlling with her friends, but by all her wisdom from the Word exhibits agape love which results in true kindness in all her speech.

Kindness in all our Ways

“In the year 1818, Tamatoe, King of Huahine, one of the South Sea Islands, believed the gospel. He discovered a plot among his fellow islanders to seize him and other converts and burn them to death. However, he organized a band to attack the plotters and captured them unawares. Having exposed the plot, he forgave them, and set a feast before his would-be captors. This unexpected kindness amazed the islanders, who burned their idols and became Christians.”

You see how in that example and in all the other examples we went through, how kindness in the face of persecution could result in softened hearts willing to accept Christ as their Savior? This is why Paul, when he was suffering, when he was persecuted, was so focused upon pureness, knowledge, longsuffering, and kindness, because those qualities helped ensure he wouldn’t bring blame and offence upon the ministry, it approved himself to everyone that he was a legitimate minister of God, and the result was – softened hearts willing to accept Christ as their Savior. When Paul suffered, he wasn’t focused upon how he was going to get through the suffering. It wasn’t the suffering itself that tested him. It was Paul who tested himself when he went through the suffering – by excelling at Pureness, Knowledge, Longsuffering, and Kindness. There’s no guarantee that if you’re focused on those qualities, that you’ll lead all your persecutors to Christ, but if you’re not focused on those qualities, you will guarantee failure.

J.C. O’HAIR: “’As we have therefore opportunity, let us do good unto all men, ESPECIALLY unto them who are of the household of faith.’ Galatians 6:10. Certainly we need not look for, or wait for, opportunities to do good to either sinners or saints. The opportunities are without number. The time is short. The majority of God’s people are letting many, many opportunities slip by. ‘Love worketh no ill to his neighbor.’ Add to your faith brotherly kindness and love.”