Is it ever wise or godly to argue? My personal view is no.  Let us define terms and look at the issue more closely. Arguing seems self-focused and has the idea of exalting self to win or gain something over the opposition or a rival. It is presenting a case from your perspective to convince and win, often with a fleshly goal or contention. Submission prefers others, interacting respectfully and yielding or surrendering to favor another. Upon closer examination, is not just for women to be in submission to their husbands. Paul gives clear instructions to the whole Body of Christ in Ephesians 5:21: “Submitting yourselves one to another in the fear of God.”

A natural question: What would submission look like in my life? Carefully examine the Lord’s life, but also Paul’s, who followed Christ as they are examples. It is walking in charity; the action of love and choosing to place the other person first over yourself, even when they did nothing to deserve your kindness and may be unkind. Sometimes it is being quiet and not reacting when your response would be in the flesh. Two concrete examples: 1) Someone cuts you off and then begins a tirade of yelling and ungodly gestures, but you choose to yield, allowing them to be where they are without being emotional or retaliating. 2) Your husband comes home from work acting unusual, complaining about everything, even yelling. You do not take his behavior personally, rather his needs are your priority. You remain quiet to pray and think, connecting with the needs of his heart and soul to find a way to serve. You ask him how he’s doing, if he wants to talk, pray, or has another need, knowing that something is bothering him.

In both scenarios, arguing would have made the situation worse and would have done nothing to solve the problem. It likely would have ended in self-centeredness and self-exaltation, not serving Christ as an ambassador. Paul has laid forth instructions in earlier epistles to help us understand: “For though I be free from all men, yet have I made myself servant unto all, that I might gain the more…To the weak became I as weak, that I might gain the weak: I am made all things to all men, that I might by all means save some.” (I Cor. 9:19,22) Our place in grace is to minister in brotherly love: “Be of the same mind one toward another. Mind not high things, but condescend to men of low estate. Be not wise in your own conceits.” (Rom 12:16-17) Often we are motivated to protect ourselves, not wanting to be a doormat. We think we should retaliate in some way, which is taking vengeance. In this, are we taking God’s place? “Recompense to no man evil for evil. Provide things honest in the sight of all men. If it be possible, as much as lieth in you, live peaceably with all men. Dearly beloved, avenge not yourselves, but rather give place unto wrath: for it is written, Vengeance is mine; I will repay, saith the Lord.” (Rom. 12:17-19)

Think on this: As we digest the general admonitions to the Body in Ephesians 5: 1-21, we see at the core is godly love. The example given: “And walk in love, as Christ also hath loved us, and hath given himself for us an offering and sacrifice to God for a sweetsmelling savour.” (vs 2) We also are to be a living sacrifice, though often it is a battle between the flesh and our understanding and conviction in spiritual things in our inner man. It is only through His power that we are able to walk this out, allowing Christ to be manifest. This is resurrection life being shown forth in our mortal body. Arguing is a fleshly activity; however, discussion is important. Even the Lord ‘reasons together’ with Israel, (Is. 1:18) which is significantly different than quarreling. As you meditate upon this, allow it to impact you personally.