Using Hate to Numb the Conscience

When I was prepping for the Truthin’ It sermon last Sunday, I really enjoyed studying Pro 26:28. Consider this verse:

“A lying tongue hateth those that are afflicted by it; and a flattering mouth worketh ruin.”

The first half of that verse is deeper than you might think. The common interpretation of that verse is that we lie about people because we hate them. No. Solomon would have you go deeper and look at the psychological and spiritual state of the liar himself.

The word “afflicted” carries the sense of being “crushed” or “broken” or “beaten small.” So this is a big lie (or a series of lies) that caused real damage to another person. This person has been broken or crushed by the lying tongue.

When that lying tongue “crushes” another person, and he sees the damage he caused that person, in his mind, he justifies his cruelty by hating that person for whatever reason. Seeing the damage caused by their lies, the liar convinces himself that the victim deserved to be lied about and hates that victim – why? – to numb the conscience.

Every time the liar sees the person who was crushed by his life and his conscience is pricked or convicted (if he still has one), he then justifies in his minds why he should “hate” that victim as a mechanism to numb the feelings of guilt. He makes hatred overpower the feeling of guilt so he can feel justified in the evil he committed.

Hatred becomes the sedative that numbs the guilt and the conscience, and hatred becomes the fuel that justifies the lying.

If the liar stops hating the victim, he’d have to face the wrong of what he did. So by “justifying” the lying that crushed that person by hating that person, the liar in his mind chooses to think of that person as something evil and less human.

I recently watched an episode of 48 hours about Kimberly Langwell. An evil guy got dumped by Kimberly his girlfriend because he was super controlling. He got mad and killed her. Then he buried her under the slab of his own house under his own bedroom. The police eventually figured all of this out. There was overwhelming evidence against him. He was convicted. When the time came for the sentencing, the court played a recording of him calling his son from jail. And he spewed out all this hatred toward her daughter, her young fifteen-year-old daughter. The courtroom was just appalled by the fact that this guy would spew all this hatred toward this innocent teenage girl who lost her mother.

I told my wife, “That makes perfect sense. I was just studying about that in Pro. 26:28.” He sees that daughter and he’s pricked by what he did. He still has a little bit of conscience left. He’s feeling a little pain about what he did. So he convinces himself to hate her to numb his own conscience. When you’re fueled by hated, the ends oftentimes justify the means and the conscience dies. (I remember the guy said to the to the judge, basically, “I made a mistake. I had a bad day. It was terrible, but I’m not psychotic or anything.” The judge basically said, “You killed a woman and you buried her under your house. That’s the definition of ‘psychotic.’ So maximum sentence to you.”)

So this verse points to the ultimate “doubling-down” about justifying evil you’ve down. You choose to hate that person in your mind to numb the guilt and rationalize the wrong you’ve done. It’s like the liar burns the bridge and then blames the bridge for being flammable.

We might think of hatred as the fire that produces the smoke of a lie. But Solomon says the lie is the spark, and the hatred is the wildfire that is used to cover the tracks of that offense.

Often, people lie because they’re thinking of self-preservation, protecting their reputation and pride and ego. But Proverbs says: The very thing you think is preserving yourself is actually an act of hatred against someone else. Why? Because:

1. It harms the one you speak to (“afflicted by it”)
2. It withholds truth they need
3. It serves self over others
4. It undermines trust and reality
5. It opposes love, which rejoices in truth

Lying may feel like self-protection — but in God’s eyes, it’s relational destruction. And a lie basically says: “I’m willing for you to be harmed if it helps me.”